The Smash

Without making generalizations that characterize everyone on the planet, it is fairly evident that a significant portion of the population is possessed by an unfounded arrogance that drives them to ignore their minor obligations to the people around them. This is evident when one witnesses people selfishly consuming common space that is essential to the mobility of others. For example, you may find yourself on a sidewalk with a number of people walking towards you in a lateral formation. They don't seem to make space for you because that would disrupt their own dynamic (whether said dynamic is formed by an ongoing conversation or some sort of longstanding hierarchy amongst friends) and they march forward with placid expressions, refusing to make space. Possibly you are trying to enter a building through an entrance way blocked by some statue of a human holding an insipid conversation with someone while they stand half-alive under the arch of the doorway. Emily Post's putrid cadaver advises us to politely wait for these people to move from our path (which, under these circumstances is the only path, and it's completely blocked) and express your moral indignation with a disapproving glance at the inconsiderate as they finally pass by or through you. Raccoonists have a different set of tactics for dealing with such arrogance.

Behaviour such as that mentioned above should be corrected - with extreme prejudice, by anyone who observes it and identifies it as wrong! This is Raccoonist policy! We will not stand by in a vacant pose waiting for some airhead to finish their conversation so we can pass once they notice people are waiting. We will not scramble around into the street traffic while a line of idiots staring into their cell-phone screens advances on us without noticing our presence. These people, of course have a right to some of the sidewalk or to pass through a doorway, but to occupy the entire space of the sidewalk or doorway - or other spaces considered common to all, without respecting others use of such space, is pure arrogance. This is why in certain situations Racconists smash people out of their way. We extend our elbows outwards while walking as a signal to the oncoming menace that we will assert our right to use the common space. We will not press ourselves against the edge for the benefit of an inconsiderate mass of shambling zombies.

Yes! We have caused discomfort, embarrassment, pain! It is necessary for us to bash others with our elbows and backpacks, otherwise we will have to bear the shame of yielding what meager space we occupy to...jerks! We do not deliberately get into the path of people to strike them, we wait until our space is encroached upon, and then we do what we must to protect it. We've knocked cell-phones and cigarettes from people's hands and we don't care! Whoever is struck deserves it! We know the law! That law is RACCOONISM!